There are going to be some stories that I write that I am going to have to change the names to protect the innocent (like the one about the snorkel that I am saving for just the right time), there is just no way around it. This is one of those.
I had a friend of mine call me tonight, laughing so hysterically, that it took her a few minutes to compose herself before she could actually tell me what was so funny. This friend of mine, we will call her "Sally", has a very colorful family, to say the least. A lot of the posts on this blog will be about Sally and her family. There is always something going on with someone in her family.
Let me preface this story with a side note that Sally's Christmas did not go exactly as planned. There was something that happened on Christmas Day that had her in tears most of the day, so she was looking forward to New Years Eve to say the least.
Sally got a Christmas card from her "grandmother" this year. In the card she got a gift card to one of her favorite restaurants for $50. Sally decided that it would be a great idea this year to take her husband out to dinner on New Years Eve. Due to everything that goes on in life, they don't get out very often and it's a holiday anyway.
Something that I left out that makes this story even better is along with the gift card to the restaurant, there was also a check in the card. The only problem is that the check was made out to her sister. So Sally and her husband had been laughing about this all week and trying to decide how they were going to cash the check when it was made out to her sister.
So, Sally spends the entire day planning a wonderful and exciting afternoon with her husband. The plan is to start by going to dinner with the $50 gift card that she got for Christmas. Then to the local movie store to get a few movies to watch with the kids. This has been a tradition for several years. Instead of being out with all of the drunk idiots on New Years, they would stay up watching movies and playing games with their kids, like in years past.
So Sally and her husband get ready to go out to dinner. She puts on make up and does her hair and he actually puts on a shirt that doesn't have the name of his favorite college football team on it.
They get to the restaurant and are having a great time. They are discussing the events of the year, what to expect in the new year, kids, the normal stuff. Sally takes her silverware out and her knife is dirty. The manager sees her looking at it and brings her a new one. She checks this one out and the same thing, dirtier than the first. Sally and her husband are laughing at this point because this is their typical date night, never a dull moment. When their main course came out, they even gave her steak to another table by mistake. That's what kind of night this was turning out to be.
After finally getting her steak and finishing their meal, they are discussing the rest of the nights events while they are waiting for the check to come. Remember, the main reason for going to dinner tonight and picking this particular restaurant, was because of the gift card for $50 that she got for Christmas from her grandmother.
The check came and it was for $48.62. Sally's husband puts the gift card on the receipt along with $9 in cash for the tip. He told the waitress that he did not need anything back and to have a great night. Always, I mean always make sure that you are paid in full before leaving the restaurant. I can not make this any clearer. Any other time, Sally and her husband would have gotten up and left. For some reason, thank God, they stayed and continued their conversation.
As they were talking, the waitress came back to the table with the check in her hand and a puzzled look on her face. She looks at Sally's husband and says, "I'm a little confused. The check is for $48.62 and you gave me the gift card and $9 in cash. You still owe $14.62 on your bill." The look of horror that come across Sally's face is unexplainable. Sally says to the waitress, "what do you mean we still owe money. We gave you a gift card for $50 and $9 in cash for your tip." The waitress then begins to tell her that the gift card only had $25 on it and with the $9 in cash, this indeed made them $14.62 short, not including the tip.
As Sally was beginning to argue with the waitress about what was really on the gift card, her husband, with the memories of past events with Sally's family that went exactly like this night going through his mind, pulled out his wallet and settled the bill with the waitress and she still got her tip.
The moral to this story is that you can never assume anything. People, always call that one eight hundred number on the back of the gift card when you get them just to make sure that when someone sends you one that clearly says its worth $50, that it indeed is worth just that and they did not make a mistake and only put $25 on it. Don't get me wrong, Sally and her husband where greatly appreciative that they got the gift and the meal was great, but "Never Assume Anything".
By the way, the movie rentals didn't turn out exactly like they wanted either. Let's just say there was a "problem" and they had to leave the rental place in a hurry......
I am wondering how long it will take Sally to recover from this night.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Move Over Stupid
There is one thing in this world that I hate more than anything. That one thing is when people drive slow in the left lane of the interstate, especially when you come up behind them, obviously going faster than them, and they refuse to move over to the right lane where they should have been all along. I have done "extensive" research on the laws from state to state on this issue and have yet to find any state that does not at least mention that the left lane is for passing only.
Now, this would not be an issue for anyone with a normal commute to work. Most people don't drive the interstate long enough that they even notice. But for someone that has a 111 mile one way commute to work every day, this is a huge issue.
Any normal person after a few minutes of driving behind the slower car, would just pass them in the right lane, say a few choice words as they pass and just get over it. Not me! I feel like if you achieved the prestigious goal of getting you drivers license, then you should know the rules of the road and it is my responsibility, as a fellow driver, to remind you of those rules when you have a brain fart and forget them.
Example. Just the other day I left work around five, fought the twenty minute five o'clock traffic from my office to the interstate, which is just a mile and a half. Once I got away from the idiots that get on where I do, do ninety five weaving in and out of traffic and get off a couple miles down the road, I set me cruise control on my normal setting, which for legal reasons I won't say what that setting is. I immediately noticed this Jeep Wrangler that I was approaching in the left lane doing about seventy two miles an hour. The spare tire cover said Hilton Head Island, which is south of where we were, but there was a bumper sticker that was from a high school not too far from my house. So I knew that I was in for a long ride.
I am not one of those people that will run up right behind you and flash my lights for you to get out of my way. I feel like if you have your DL and are driving on the interstate, you should know that if I am behind you in the left lane, you should get over in the right lane. I understand that there might be slower cars in the right lane and you can't immediately move over, but when the right lane is clear for ten miles, that's a problem.
I do have some standard "moves" that I use from time to time to remind you of what an idiot you are. First, I will pull up quickly behind you to show you that I am indeed going faster than you. Usually, this move works and I don't have to pull anything else out of my hat. If that doesn't work, there are a few other things that I do to remind you of how things work. My favorite is I will move over to the right lane and then back to the left, to show you how to do it because obviously you have forgotten. Some times I have to do this several times before you get the idea. The other day with the Jeep, none of my moves would work. I know that the driver saw me doing these things, because we made eye contact on several occasions. Remember I refuse to pass in the right lane. I ended up riding behind this idiot the entire way home. I did do a few things on the way that will make him think twice the next time he wants to ride in the left lane all the way.
You riding in the left lane is such a problem for me that I have even looked in to getting a car wrap for my car that on the left side says "if you are reading this, you are an idiot. You obviously don't know how to drive and should immediately go the the DMV and turn in your license." Not only would this not fit on the side of my car, but is very expensive to try. I even looked at getting one of the signs that you see in some stores that scroll messages across it. I would put it in the back window and when I did pass the problem vehicle, I would remind them, very nicely, what they did wrong and what I thought of them. This too is logistically impossible.
So, I have decided to work on my patience, be kind to my fellow humans and try to "understand" what could possibly be going through your head when you are cruising in the left lane. But be careful, if this is you and you see someone coming up behind you doing some Nascar maneuvers because you refuse to move over, it might be me and I just might have figured out how to mount that scrolling sign in the back window that, when I pass you might read, "Move Over Stupid".
Now, this would not be an issue for anyone with a normal commute to work. Most people don't drive the interstate long enough that they even notice. But for someone that has a 111 mile one way commute to work every day, this is a huge issue.
Any normal person after a few minutes of driving behind the slower car, would just pass them in the right lane, say a few choice words as they pass and just get over it. Not me! I feel like if you achieved the prestigious goal of getting you drivers license, then you should know the rules of the road and it is my responsibility, as a fellow driver, to remind you of those rules when you have a brain fart and forget them.
Example. Just the other day I left work around five, fought the twenty minute five o'clock traffic from my office to the interstate, which is just a mile and a half. Once I got away from the idiots that get on where I do, do ninety five weaving in and out of traffic and get off a couple miles down the road, I set me cruise control on my normal setting, which for legal reasons I won't say what that setting is. I immediately noticed this Jeep Wrangler that I was approaching in the left lane doing about seventy two miles an hour. The spare tire cover said Hilton Head Island, which is south of where we were, but there was a bumper sticker that was from a high school not too far from my house. So I knew that I was in for a long ride.
I am not one of those people that will run up right behind you and flash my lights for you to get out of my way. I feel like if you have your DL and are driving on the interstate, you should know that if I am behind you in the left lane, you should get over in the right lane. I understand that there might be slower cars in the right lane and you can't immediately move over, but when the right lane is clear for ten miles, that's a problem.
I do have some standard "moves" that I use from time to time to remind you of what an idiot you are. First, I will pull up quickly behind you to show you that I am indeed going faster than you. Usually, this move works and I don't have to pull anything else out of my hat. If that doesn't work, there are a few other things that I do to remind you of how things work. My favorite is I will move over to the right lane and then back to the left, to show you how to do it because obviously you have forgotten. Some times I have to do this several times before you get the idea. The other day with the Jeep, none of my moves would work. I know that the driver saw me doing these things, because we made eye contact on several occasions. Remember I refuse to pass in the right lane. I ended up riding behind this idiot the entire way home. I did do a few things on the way that will make him think twice the next time he wants to ride in the left lane all the way.
You riding in the left lane is such a problem for me that I have even looked in to getting a car wrap for my car that on the left side says "if you are reading this, you are an idiot. You obviously don't know how to drive and should immediately go the the DMV and turn in your license." Not only would this not fit on the side of my car, but is very expensive to try. I even looked at getting one of the signs that you see in some stores that scroll messages across it. I would put it in the back window and when I did pass the problem vehicle, I would remind them, very nicely, what they did wrong and what I thought of them. This too is logistically impossible.
So, I have decided to work on my patience, be kind to my fellow humans and try to "understand" what could possibly be going through your head when you are cruising in the left lane. But be careful, if this is you and you see someone coming up behind you doing some Nascar maneuvers because you refuse to move over, it might be me and I just might have figured out how to mount that scrolling sign in the back window that, when I pass you might read, "Move Over Stupid".
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Technology....
I find it hilarious from time to time that my wife is so technologically challenged. I have, on several occasions, tried to show her the more day to day things that she needs to operate the technology that she has. She refuses to learn.
A little history.....
She tells me all the time that she knows enough to be able to do what she needs done. Translated, that means "I know how to look up things on the internet and read my email". She get's frustrated way too easy.
Just a few months ago, she came to me and said, "honey, ever since our son has been using my laptop for his school work, I have been getting junk mail on my email from porn sites". I explained to her that it probably wasn't our son because for anyone to be able to send you junk mail, they must have your email to do so and that they could not get your email from your IP address on your computer. It was more of her signing up for coupons from her favorite stores and them selling her address than anything. She said, "no, I am sure that our son is responsible for this". So to satisfy her curiosity, I checked her history and nothing. To satisfy My curiosity I also checked her email and guess what I found? Yep, you guessed it, emails from every store you can think of offering her coupons from clothes to dog food.
She still doesn't believe me.......
With that said, here is an actual conversation that we had tonight:
Speaking of coupons, my lovely wife loves to use coupons for groceries. She has the whole coupon process down to a science. And believe me, it is a process. I have seen her in action. It is very impressive. I have seen her go to the grocery store and buy $150 worth of food and only pay $60 for it. She is amazing.
With that said, not only does she get coupons from the paper, she also get's them off of the internet. The only bad thing about this, for her, is that they will only allow you to download a certain amount of the same coupon during a certain time frame.
So, she was sitting down tonight doing her coupons for the week and started to download the coupons that she wanted. Several of the coupons that she wanted popped up an error message and said that "you have already downloaded your limit of this coupon". After arguing with her laptop for several minutes, she turned to me, and with a straight face said, "someone has hacked into my computer and stole some of my coupons"! I thought that I was going to pee on myself from laughing! I thought she was kidding. She was dead serious!
I tried to explain to her that no one could hack into her computer and "steal" her coupons. She said "now I understand how these people are getting everything free. They hack into peoples computers and steal their stuff". Hilarious.
This story will have it's own chapter in "the book" eventually. I love my wife!
A little history.....
She tells me all the time that she knows enough to be able to do what she needs done. Translated, that means "I know how to look up things on the internet and read my email". She get's frustrated way too easy.
Just a few months ago, she came to me and said, "honey, ever since our son has been using my laptop for his school work, I have been getting junk mail on my email from porn sites". I explained to her that it probably wasn't our son because for anyone to be able to send you junk mail, they must have your email to do so and that they could not get your email from your IP address on your computer. It was more of her signing up for coupons from her favorite stores and them selling her address than anything. She said, "no, I am sure that our son is responsible for this". So to satisfy her curiosity, I checked her history and nothing. To satisfy My curiosity I also checked her email and guess what I found? Yep, you guessed it, emails from every store you can think of offering her coupons from clothes to dog food.
She still doesn't believe me.......
With that said, here is an actual conversation that we had tonight:
Speaking of coupons, my lovely wife loves to use coupons for groceries. She has the whole coupon process down to a science. And believe me, it is a process. I have seen her in action. It is very impressive. I have seen her go to the grocery store and buy $150 worth of food and only pay $60 for it. She is amazing.
With that said, not only does she get coupons from the paper, she also get's them off of the internet. The only bad thing about this, for her, is that they will only allow you to download a certain amount of the same coupon during a certain time frame.
So, she was sitting down tonight doing her coupons for the week and started to download the coupons that she wanted. Several of the coupons that she wanted popped up an error message and said that "you have already downloaded your limit of this coupon". After arguing with her laptop for several minutes, she turned to me, and with a straight face said, "someone has hacked into my computer and stole some of my coupons"! I thought that I was going to pee on myself from laughing! I thought she was kidding. She was dead serious!
I tried to explain to her that no one could hack into her computer and "steal" her coupons. She said "now I understand how these people are getting everything free. They hack into peoples computers and steal their stuff". Hilarious.
This story will have it's own chapter in "the book" eventually. I love my wife!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Finally An Outlet
I have been telling my wife for years that I was going to write a book about our life. From trips back to Tennessee on holidays, vacations with the family, to life in general these past 14 or so years. I have a lot of things that should have been shared a long time ago.
So, instead of writing that book right now, I have decided to write my random thoughts and the events that happen in our life down in this blog to give you an idea of what happens in "This Crazy Life".
So, instead of writing that book right now, I have decided to write my random thoughts and the events that happen in our life down in this blog to give you an idea of what happens in "This Crazy Life".
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