Move Over Stupid

There is one thing in this world that I hate more than anything. That one thing is when people drive slow in the left lane of the interstate, especially when you come up behind them, obviously going faster than them, and they refuse to move over to the right lane where they should have been all along. I have done "extensive" research on the laws from state to state on this issue and have yet to find any state that does not at least mention that the left lane is for passing only.

Now, this would not be an issue for anyone with a normal commute to work. Most people don't drive the interstate long enough that they even notice. But for someone that has a 111 mile one way commute to work every day, this is a huge issue.

Any normal person after a few minutes of driving behind the slower car, would just pass them in the right lane, say a few choice words as they pass and just get over it. Not me! I feel like if you achieved the prestigious goal of getting you drivers license, then you should know the rules of the road and it is my responsibility, as a fellow driver, to remind you of those rules when you have a brain fart and forget them.

Example. Just the other day I left work around five, fought the twenty minute five o'clock traffic from my office to the interstate, which is just a mile and a half. Once I got away from the idiots that get on where I do, do ninety five weaving in and out of traffic and get off a couple miles down the road, I set me cruise control on my normal setting, which for legal reasons I won't say what that setting is. I immediately noticed this Jeep Wrangler that I was approaching in the left lane doing about seventy two miles an hour. The spare tire cover said Hilton Head Island, which is south of where we were, but there was a bumper sticker that was from a high school not too far from my house. So I knew that I was in for a long ride.

I am not one of those people that will run up right behind you and flash my lights for you to get out of my way. I feel like if you have your DL and are driving on the interstate, you should know that if I am behind you in the left lane, you should get over in the right lane. I understand that there might be slower cars in the right lane and you can't immediately move over, but when the right lane is clear for ten miles, that's a problem.

I do have some standard "moves" that I use from time to time to remind you of what an idiot you are. First, I will pull up quickly behind you to show you that I am indeed going faster than you. Usually, this move works and I don't have to pull anything else out of my hat. If that doesn't work, there are a few other things that I do to remind you of how things work. My favorite is I will move over to the right lane and then back to the left, to show you how to do it because obviously you have forgotten. Some times I have to do this several times before you get the idea. The other day with the Jeep, none of my moves would work. I know that the driver saw me doing these things, because we made eye contact on several occasions. Remember I refuse to pass in the right lane. I ended up riding behind this idiot the entire way home. I did do a few things on the way that will make him think twice the next time he wants to ride in the left lane all the way.

You riding in the left lane is such a problem for me that I have even looked in to getting a car wrap for my car that on the left side says "if you are reading this, you are an idiot. You obviously don't know how to drive and should immediately go the the DMV and turn in your license." Not only would this not fit on the side of my car, but is very expensive to try. I even looked at getting one of the signs that you see in some stores that scroll messages across it. I would put it in the back window and when I did pass the problem vehicle, I would remind them, very nicely, what they did wrong and what I thought of them. This too is logistically impossible.

So, I have decided to work on my patience, be kind to my fellow humans and try to "understand" what could possibly be going through your head when you are cruising in the left lane. But be careful, if this is you and you see someone coming up behind you doing some Nascar maneuvers because you refuse to move over, it might be me and I just might have figured out how to mount that scrolling sign in the back window that, when I pass you might read, "Move Over Stupid".

Technology....

I find it hilarious from time to time that my wife is so technologically challenged. I have, on several occasions, tried to show her the more day to day things that she needs to operate the technology that she has. She refuses to learn.

A little history.....

She tells me all the time that she knows enough to be able to do what she needs done. Translated, that means "I know how to look up things on the internet and read my email". She get's frustrated way too easy.

Just a few months ago, she came to me and said, "honey, ever since our son has been using my laptop for his school work, I have been getting junk mail on my email from porn sites". I explained to her that it probably wasn't our son because for anyone to be able to send you junk mail, they must have your email to do so and that they could not get your email from your IP address on your computer. It was more of her signing up for coupons from her favorite stores and them selling her address than anything. She said, "no, I am sure that our son is responsible for this". So to satisfy her curiosity, I checked her history and nothing. To satisfy My curiosity I also checked her email and guess what I found? Yep, you guessed it, emails from every store you can think of offering her coupons from clothes to dog food.

She still doesn't believe me.......

With that said, here is an actual conversation that we had tonight:

Speaking of coupons, my lovely wife loves to use coupons for groceries. She has the whole coupon process down to a science. And believe me, it is a process. I have seen her in action. It is very impressive. I have seen her go to the grocery store and buy $150 worth of food and only pay $60 for it. She is amazing.

With that said, not only does she get coupons from the paper, she also get's them off of the internet. The only bad thing about this, for her, is that they will only allow you to download a certain amount of the same coupon during a certain time frame.

So, she was sitting down tonight doing her coupons for the week and started to download the coupons that she wanted. Several of the coupons that she wanted popped up an error message and said that "you have already downloaded your limit of this coupon". After arguing with her laptop for several minutes, she turned to me, and with a straight face said, "someone has hacked into my computer and stole some of my coupons"! I thought that I was going to pee on myself from laughing! I thought she was kidding. She was dead serious!

I tried to explain to her that no one could hack into her computer and "steal" her coupons. She said "now I understand how these people are getting everything free. They hack into peoples computers and steal their stuff". Hilarious.

This story will have it's own chapter in "the book" eventually. I love my wife!

Finally An Outlet

I have been telling my wife for years that I was going to write a book about our life. From trips back to Tennessee on holidays, vacations with the family, to life in general these past 14 or so years. I have a lot of things that should have been shared a long time ago.

So, instead of writing that book right now, I have decided to write my random thoughts and the events that happen in our life down in this blog to give you an idea of what happens in "This Crazy Life".